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Off Topic: Can you please help and share?

I feel terrible for having to do this here, but I have no other choice. Recently my life has fallen apart and I’m way too behind to get anywhere.

I live in a town of 650 people, you can imagine how many employment opportunities there are in the area. My dilemma, my car completely died on me and since I can’t get to work, I have no job. Now I have no job and no way to get to one either. I’m trying to find jobs online, to work from home, but the legitimate ones are far and few between. But I’ve applied for at least 10 jobs in the last few weeks.

So I ask you, I beg of you, can you please, please help me out on this GoGetFunding site? I need to get a car in order to survive. I also beg of you, to please share this request with anybody and everybody you know. When the car broke down originally, I was stuck in another state, on my way home, and had to sit in the car, in the cold for 6 hours before I could get help, because the car was not drivable.

Just after I broke down, I did a Go Fund Me on facebook to help cover the costs that my parents paid, to get the car out of impound and rent a U-Haul to get it back home. I’m so forever thankful for everything my good friends did. I had a goal of $250 and between 4 people, it was paid.

I don’t want to do another Funding request on Facebook because I don’t want to seem like a mooch or a begger. It makes me feel pathetic that I’m even here asking for help from strangers. If I wasn’t desparate, I wouldn’t be asking. I feel like a complete loser. But, I have to do something to get back on my feet or God knows what’ll happen. I share custody of a three year old, I can’t go without a car. Please help!


How do you survive?

We all struggle with certain things, being abuse survivors. I’m 43 years old and have never been able to keep my life together. I didn’t finish college, I can’t hold a job, and I have no good decision making skills, it seems.

I’m an amazing, empathetic (to the extreme), kind, thoughtful, spunky, opinionated, woman that loves to write about my experiences. Unfortunately I don’t get paid for it because I’m not good enough at it. But, I’ll continue to write until I can’t use my fingers anymore.

I’ve been through addiction, alcoholism, two very abusive relationships (one marriage lasting 15 years, with a narcissist), struggles in all relationships whether family, friend, or lover. I’ve never been successful in relationships because I choose men like my abusers.

I’ve been abused my entire life, from newborn, and still must deal with two children’s fathers that are both made from the same narcissistic mold and they use my children, and their own manipulation to play games to spite the fact that I left them. They’ve literally ripped my heart out using my children and I still have to deal with it to this day. I don’t know why I have to live a life like this. I deserve so much better, as do you. But how do you do it? How do YOU still struggle and suffer in life? How do you deal with it and what is the best advice you could give about your ability to survive?

Only the good die young

I’ve always wondered, is this all there really is to life? What’s the point?

I’m sure there are some people out there that have some reasoning or logic to answer this question, but call me ignorant or uneducated, I don’t understand why people must go through a life of suffering, for no reason.

Why does it seem like all of the good people on this earth, die young? Meanwhile there are evil and abusive people everywhere that seem to live to 100. I don’t get it. That seems to leave the rest of us with more and more evil to deal with.

They say, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”….stronger for what? I didn’t realize that life was meant to be a struggle. I’m not sure where I got the idea that life should be filled with happiness, but long ago I realized that that is a myth, a farce, a misunderstanding that children believe in.

In some aspects I do understand the quote from above. I guess I’m happy that I can take on the world without much fear, after being abused in every way, since the day I was born. But, how does that compute? It’s ok that innocent children are abused, neglected, and unloved? That doesn’t make sense to me.

Is this God’s plan for us?

I know, there are religious, christian, God loving people out there that will be disgusted by this question, but really, is this what God intended for us? Lifetimes of abuse and feeling no love or compassion from anyone? I thought people were supposed to be kind to each other, and compassionate, empathetic? How are we supposed to live that way when there are fewer and fewer good people left? I’m a very empathetic, compassionate, and kind person. I understand that that’s what God wants, and I’m not worried about getting into heaven because I’ve earned my way in.

I just don’t understand the meaning of life…

Maybe I’m not meant to.

Trauma Victims: Would you redo life, if you could?

People always say that you’re not supposed to have regrets:

How do you feel about that? After being the victim of trauma, would you go back and take it away, or are you thankful for what being a victim has taught you? After all, we wouldn’t be who we are today, without it.

Clearly nobody on this planet deserves to be abused or hurt in any way, it pains my heart to know that the world is full of sadness and disparities. We see every day, on the news, online, and in our own lives, the horrible way people are treated and the difficult truth of how these events change who we are from that moment on. It changes everything about us. The way we think, the way we trust, the way we love (or the way we never accept love again), the way we live.

So, would you go back and take the trauma away?

Personally, I know that my trauma’s have made me who I am today. I hate myself most days and I’ve become nothing in this world. I have no quality of life left in me. I can’t hold a job, I live my life depressed, I can’t accept or give love or trust in any human being. BUT, I’m also proud of myself in so many ways, for overcoming the evil that’s been done to me. I’m very empathetic (I’m actually an Empath), I want to help anybody and everybody else I possibly can, from being hurt like I have, I’m strong and brave even during the worst moments in life. Although I have my days of falling apart in the midst of some of the worst moments.

So would you go back and take your trauma away or do you appreciate who you are because of it?

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