An apology from a narcissist?

This blog is about mental illness and abuse survivors. It doesn’t matter what type of abuse, what age/s it happened, or what your diagnoses are, we are all in this fight together.

That being said, I’m going to post a lot about narcissism because I’ve been the victim of them from the day I was born. Not only that, the dymanic of a narcissist is so far from a typical person’s psyche that it often blows peoples minds. Including mine. I cannot fathom how their minds work and it draws me to try to understand them better. I’ve done a lot of research on the subject, for over 10 years now, probably closer to 15. I started my journey to acquaint myself with narcissism when I couldn’t figure out why my husband was so f*cking crazy! I phoned a therapist at one point when we’d had one of our 10 separations. I explained all of his behaviors to her and after talking for a little while she threw out the term ‘narcissist’. I’ll get into all of that in another post but that’s a little bit of the history of how I became so enthralled with these crazy-makers.

The narcissist today:

As I stated above, I’ll get into my story more and more over time, it’ll take forever to give all of the details. But,anybody that knows anything about narcissism will probably end up shaking their heads as they’re reading this and thinking, “Oh my God, is she explaining my narc?”.

So today was the day of the week where my ex picks our daughter up from my place. I had asked him if I could possibly keep her an extra couple days to take her to a better doctor, she’s had thick, nasty mucus issues going on forever and his doctors don’t do anything about it. Anyways, he started out being a total ass right off the bat. “Why do you need to take her to the doctor over there (he lives in MN and I’m in WI) when you can just come take her during the week and drop her off at daycare? The thoughts in my head: First of all, dumbass, there’s no reason I can’t have her an extra couple of days so I can bring her to another doctor, a better one, and find out what’s wrong with the poor baby girl (3 years old)?

Oh boy, that lead to both of us spouting off: So, we kept going back and forth. First it was about our daughter going to the doctor and the fact that there’s no reason I can’t have her a couple extra days. Then in went to, “You’re a horrible mother and you’ve never taken care of our daughter maybe you should do something for her for a change.”

Blah blah blah, more of the typical narcissist conversation

Of course everything he’s saying is him trying to make a jab at me, to hurt my feelings. Nothing he said was the truth. He was going on and on about how great he is and how much a piece of shit I am. Insults flying back and forth (yes, I fell into the trap for a second but the point of the text in the first place was about our daughter and he pissed me off because he gives bullshit reasons for not letting me help, and then says I don’t help) and after a few texts back and forth we just gave up and said we’d see each other at 6, pick-up time.

Well paint me pink and call me a piglet:

Sure enough, just before he got to my house (it’s an hour and a half drive), he text me and asked me to make up an excuse to my mom that we needed to go to town for something, so could she watch the youngin. I said, “No Way”, of course. I think half the time when he asks me that (it happens at least once a month and sometimes daily for a week or two), he’s just trying to rile me up and see what I say. Of course he’d do it, but it’s just part of the narc games.

The Gifts:

He came up to the house with my favorite burger from Hardees, a pack of cigarettes, and a bottle of peach Brandy (my favorite drink). I’m like, WTF? He said, “Merry f*cking Christmas, here’s your present.” {on a side-note, we always fight and/or he just pisses me off on purpose, but I decided to be the bigger person (like I always am) and made him a really sweet fridge magnet with 8 different pictures of him and our daughter. Took me hours to find the perfect photos to put on it. It turned out awesome. He was being a huge asshole the day I brought it to him too, inside baby girl’s backpack. So when I left he found it and thanked me. I didn’t respond to that or talk to him for a week and a half after that. I was so angry the way he treated me on Christmas Eve I wanted to scream and strangle him at the same time. So, I don’t even talk to him very often but I kinda believed that he appreciated the gift. He never gives me shit from the little. Never has. But anyways, that was his reason for bringing the “Christmas presents”.

It hurts my brain

Just another typical narcissist move. It makes you crazy dealing with them, it’s a wonder I haven’t been in the looney bin. For real. But this is how they get you. When you HAVE to communicate with them, it’s difficult to be nice to someone that totally ruined your life (more on that another day), but I can’t stoop to his level, I just can’t. Some people may have declined the “gifts” but hell no. He owes me, you have no idea. It was certainly his narc way to apologize. And then he thanked me again for the magnet I made him, on his way home. So, does this mean that narcissists CAN be sorry? Doubt it.

Published by bosssurvivor

I've only recently (at 43 years old) realized what my life's purpose is. I want to help others by sharing my experiences and creating a space where people can come, to feel supported and safe. I've endured struggles since the day I was born, as many of us have, and it's therapeutic to write about my life. Also, to help others but also to learn and grow by understanding other victims and their experiences as well.

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