Depression Sucks

The biggest thing I deal with on a daily basis is depression. That’s the only D i’m getting, if that tells you anything. I can barely get out of bed most days let alone get out of the house and hopefully find the D that I actually enjoy.

I’ve had so much happen in my life that’s negative, since the day I was born, that I can’t seem to pull myself out of zombie mode. I go through spurts of bouncing around and feeling halfway human but when I’m down, I’m all the way down. It’s like being stuck in the gutter with Pennywise. Scary, dark, and surviving on my own. Good thing I’m a ninja.

I’m on medications but I think they contribute to my zombie-ness. I imagine a mood stabilizer would stabliize your mood. It’s tough going from Amanda Bynes to a sedated Amanda Bynes. Somedays I kind of miss being Amanda Bynes, at least there’s some fun and energetic days.

Photo by Emre Kuzu on

It makes me less of a bitch though so I have to look at the positive side of my meds. Without them I’m definitely a shaved head Britney Spears. I miss having a personality also. I’m usually frickin hilarious and witty, at times child-like, but with the D I’m just blah. I smile about as much as Robert DeNiro. Usually I get compliments on my smile and personality, I love that. Now I can’t even be around people and I’m just a lump of boohoo. Ok, so I’m done boohoo’ing for now. Let’s hope tomorrow is a better day. Hugs and love to all.

I wish you all a great day and Happy New Year! Please comment with your bouts of the D. The bad D, not the good D.

Published by bosssurvivor

I've only recently (at 43 years old) realized what my life's purpose is. I want to help others by sharing my experiences and creating a space where people can come, to feel supported and safe. I've endured struggles since the day I was born, as many of us have, and it's therapeutic to write about my life. Also, to help others but also to learn and grow by understanding other victims and their experiences as well.

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